Flashback
by Piper21392
Summary: A grandfather gets arrested for molesting his 7year old granddaughter and Olivia recognises him as a former boyfriend of Serena, when she was 8 years old.   A painfull memory trip through Olivia's childhood begins.
1. Chapter 1

**Note: I'm sorry, I know a few of you are waiting for the next chapter of "Desperation" but I needed to get this idea out of my head before I can go on with "Desperation".**

**It's going to be very dark and painful especially for Olivia. And it is M rated for a reason so please don't read when you're sensitive to the subject of child abuse. Well, we all are, but some of us more then others. So when you're one of them then I'm apologizing for human cruelty and I'm glad that you survived, but I think it's better to stop reading this fanfic now.**

Olivia was late today. She sprinted into the elevator and pushed the button several times and the same time she was asking herself why she did it. Normally she hated people doing that, cause every human person with an IQ over 50 knows that it has absolutely no effect.

When the elevator arrived on the SVU floor she sprinted out, threw her jacket onto her chair and walked as fast as she could, so it didn't look like she was running, to the interrogation room. Elliot already told her that they arrested the 75year old Grandfather of Samantha Perkins. A seven year old girl who they met the day before. Her gymnastic teacher brought her to the hospital cause she recognized bruises on the inside of Samantha's thighs.

Olivia walked to the two way mirror, Elliot was inside interviewing Samantha's grandfather. She stood next to Captain Cragen and started to apologize but he motioned her to listen to the interview. It was the silent accepting of her being late. Cragen was very easy going about things like that, cause he knows what his detectives are doing every day and he knows that the whole city of new york hasn't enough money to pay even one of his detectives the amount they deserve for what they are doing.

So she looked back through the mirror, Cragen turned the speaker on and she heard how Elliot said: "I understand why you did it, she is such a beautiful girl and she is so innocent and she has such a soft skin."

Samantha's grandfather had an absent smile on his face when he said: "They all have." Olivia turned around an vomited on the floor.

This voice, she knew this voice, she was sure she heard it before. Cragen turned around and looked shocked: "Olivia, are you okay?"

She couldn't think straight, this voice, she knew this voice. She felt weak and she wanted to sit down. Cragen walked out to call someone to clean up Olivia's vomit. Then he helped her to sit down. "Olivia what's wrong?"

Olivia flashed back to the time when she was eight years old. Three weeks before her mother brought a new man home. He wasn't like the other men Serena dated normally. He wasn't complaining that she has a child. First Olivia tried to stay out of his way, cause the guys her mother is normally dating don't like children. But Bill was really nice. When he was visiting them the first time he brought her sweets and he talked to her about school, her hobbies and her friends.

It was now three weeks that he was together with Serena and this wasn't normal either, cause one week was Serena's natural limit. And he even protected her one or two times when Serena was drunk and mad and wanted to use Olivia as her personal punching bag. Olivia really started to like Bill, one Saturday he went to the Zoo with her, the whole day. When she woke up Serena had a huge hangover, Olivia went to the kitchen crabbed some cereals and went back to her room, she knew what this Saturday would be filled with, she had to do everything to stay out of her mother's way.

30minutes later Bill appeared, he told her that he would go to the supermarket to buy some groceries for the weekend and he asked her to join him. She was thankful to get out of the apartment so she went with him. But they didn't go to the grocery store they went to the Zoo and they stayed there the whole day. He even bought her a little cuddly toy, it was a lion and she really loved it.

She was a little scared when they went back to the apartment, cause she thought her mother would be mad that she was gone the whole they without telling her. But when they came back home Serena was sleeping. Olivia thanked Bill and wanted to go to her bedroom, but Bill asked her if Saturday wasn't her bathing day and he was right, normally Olivia took a bath on Saturday evening. Olivia glanced to her mother's bedroom, when Serena had a hangover like this, it would be better to just go to bed and be silent, but then Bill said: "What when she recognizes tomorrow that you didn't take your bath this evening?" And he was right, Olivia didn't know what would happen then, she could be really mad at her about not taking her bath. Bill said: "It's okay, I'm going to help you and we will be very silent." He was smiling at her and was holding his hand out for Olivia to take. And she took it. He went to the bathroom with her and he let water into the tub. Then he turned around and helped her to take her clothes off, she felt weird about that, cause her mother didn't help her with that since she was two years old.

He was smiling at her and Olivia got goosebumps, she hold her arms protectively around her body. He laughed and said: "Oh, honey you're freezing let's put you into the warm water." He hold her up and put her into the tub. He knelt down and started to wash her back with a washcloth. Olivia closed her eyes and wondered if this is how it feels to have a dad. He goes to the Zoo with you, he protects you from your Mum and he helps you to do the Saturday bathing. He washed her hair and when the water went cold he put a towel around her and lifted her out of the tub.

He rubbed her dry and brought her to her bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

When they arrived at Olivia's bedroom Olivia was a little confused, she still wore just a towel and it was weird that Bill came with her to her room, but she didn't want him to leave. It was nice being with him, he never yelled at her, or hit her and this day was so great, so she said nothing. Sometimes when her mother was in a good mood she came with her too in the evening and then she read something to her, or they were just talking. Olivia thought that it would be great if Bill would read a book to her, it would be the perfect ending of a great day.

Bill went to her cupboard and picked a nightdress, the white one with the pink flowers, she didn't like it that much, cause it looked like it was for a small child and she didn't like how cute she looked in it, she wanted to look grown up.

He helped her to dress and then he told her to snuggle into her bed as long as he was going to look for a book.

"I need some underpants.", her mother told her to wear always underpants under a nightdress. Bill turned around and started to laugh. "Oh, you're right I forgot!" He went to her sideboard opened the drawer and took one of her underpants. For a second Olivia was wondering why he knew in which of her drawers her underpants were, but she forgot the thought as fast as it came to her brain.

He came to her bed and hold the panties in front of her so she could climb in, she said: "I can do that alone."

"Well, okay then I suppose that you can read your book alone, too.", he was still smiling at her.

She didn't want him to leave, she wanted him to read a book to her. So she climbed in her panties. He pulled them up very slowly and she felt his thumb fondle her belly when the pantie was where it belongs. She felt now really weird she wanted him to stay and she didn't want to be unthankful but she didn't like how he was touching her.

"Olivia? Hey, can you hear me?" Cragen started to shake Olivia at her shoulders. "No, don't touch me!", Cragen flinched back surprised by the panic in Olivia's voice.

"What's wrong?", Elliot came out of the interrogation room and saw the mess. Cragen shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, but it seems as she is in shock." "What? What happened, did she get hurt?" "No, we were just listening the interview and suddenly she threw up and now it seems as she isn't even able to hear me."

Elliot stepped in front of Olivia and knelt down to her. "Olivia, can you hear me? What's wrong with you?"

Elliot laid his hands on the outside of Olivia's thighs. Tears started to run down her face. "I know him Elliot." "Who?" "His name is Bill, right?" "You mean Samantha's grandfather?" "Yes!", Olivia was sobbing now.

"His name is William Perkins maybe his nickname is Bill, why?"

Olivia looked directly into Elliot's eyes. "He was my mother's boyfriend when I was eight."

"What?", Elliot felt how his heartbeat stopped when he realized the meaning of Olivia's words.

**Note: Okay, this was a very short one I know but I wanted to continue fast. The next chapter will be on, when there are 7 new reviews. ;o) So please review if you want me to go on.**


	3. Chapter 3

„Olivia, what do you mean?", Elliot was panicking.

"I have to go to the restroom.", Olivia jumped up and shoved Elliot out of her way. She suddenly started to ran to the restroom. Elliot ran after her, followed by Captain Cragen.

Cragen tried to stop him. "Elliot wait, let her go." "No, didn't you hear what she was saying? This pedophile bastard over there was her mother's boyfriend when she was eight years old. Look how she reacted when she heard his voice, you know what that means."

"Wait a second, she did not say that he touched her." "Are you kidding?", Elliot made a few steps back into Cragen's direction. "Where have you been the last decade during we were working sex crimes?"

Cragen stepped also closer so that the people around, who already stopped working, couldn't hear what he was saying. "I know what it means Elliot, but I think she needs time to process what she just discovered."

"No, I don't let her alone with it.", he turned around and ran after Olivia.

He stepped into the women restroom and found her kneeling over a toilet, he locked the door and stepped behind her. She looked up and when their eyes met Elliot felt a pain inside which he hoped he would never feel. He always knew, would one of the things he sees every day happen to one of his children, he would die by the overwhelming pain he would feel inside. He sat down and just looked at her, he couldn't say anything.

"He was so nice to me, he went to the zoo with me and he read me my favorite books. I really liked him.", Olivia looked desperately at Elliot. "Liv, I'm so sorry."

"How could I forget that." "Liv, you didn't forget it you displaced it, it was necessary for your surviving. There was no one there who you could have trusted to help you. You couldn't even trust your mother that she would help and not punish you."

"The first time he did it, was after he went to the zoo with me. He helped me to take a bath after wards. He brought me into my room, my mum had a hangover and was sleeping. I could have made him stop." "No Liv, you know that isn't true. You were eight years old, there was nothing you could have done to stop him." Probably the only reason, why he choose your Mum to be with, were you. It was a perfect opportunity for him, a fatherless girl with a drunk mother. Let me guess he met her in a bar? Liv, he planned it from the moment he met your mother, don't blame yourself that this happened."

Olivia closed her eyes. "He helped me to put my underwear on, it was weird I didn't like how he was touching me, but he promised me to read me my favorite book and I just wanted him to stay. I cuddled into my bed and he went to my bookshelf and grabbed a book. He took 'Oh, the places you'll go' cause I told him a few days before that this is my favorite. He came back to my bed and told me to move a little bit so that he has space to sit to me. He opened his arm for me to cuddle in and I did it. I liked him Elliot and I didn't want him to stop or to go away. He read me the book and after he was finished he told me to turn onto my belly, he said he would give me a massage so that I could sleep better. I didn't know if my mum would be mad that he spent so much time with me that day and I didn't want her to be mad at him. I didn't want her to break up with him. So I told him that I was fine and that I'm very thankful for everything he had done for me that day, but it would be better to go now; before my mum would recognize that he spent the whole day with me. He laughed and said I shouldn't worry about that my mum wouldn't wake up until tomorrow."

Elliot was sighing: "He drugged her!" Olivia nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

I turned onto my belly and he started to massage my back but after a few seconds he told me that he couldn't massage me when I have my nightdress on. He helped me to put it off and he told me to stay like this he would be back in a minute. He went outside and came back with my body lotion he put the lotion on my back and started stroking me. I liked it. I closed my eyes and almost fell a sleep."

"Liv, please don't blame yourself. It is okay that you liked the massage, every child needs body contact and every child needs to be cared for, your mum didn't give you enough of that it wasn't your fault."

"I know Elliot, it's just that from what I know now, there were so many signs that this would happen. I can't believe my mum didn't recognize it. Do you think she knew it but she didn't care?"

"No Liv, I don't think that. I think she was so occupied with her own problems that she didn't recognize it. How many parents did we met over the years who were so shocked that their child was abused and they had a lot less problems than your mother had."

Olivia sneered. "He said he has to put my panties down so he wouldn't accidentally put the lotion onto it."

Elliot closed his eyes.

"He started to stroke me everywhere, that was the point where I told him that I felt uncomfortable, but he told me that it was okay. He undressed himself and laid back into my bed, he told me that he spent a lot of money for me that day and that stroking each other would be the way how grown up people thank each other. I never saw a naked man before and I stared at his penis. He got a huge smile on his face and asked me if I wanna touch it."

Elliot was swallowing loud he heard all of this so many times but thinking of Olivia as the victim of it almost killed him. He clenched his fists until the skin over his knuckles turned white.

**Note: Okay, there are two ways now to go on and I'm not sure how I shall go on. One way would be to really describe what happened and one way would be to go on with the story without really describing the abuse. I'm not sure if I want to describe it in detail although I think it would be good for the story but I feel a huge barrier inside of me to write something like this down.**

**What do you want me to do, please let me know and please review. Ah, by the way I'm really tired right now and English isn't my mother language and I think some of the dots and commas are really wrong and I messed up tenses but if it's annoying you, just stop reading. ;o)**


	4. Chapter 4

Something was wrong, Olivia woke up and felt that her bed was wet. She lifted the blanket and saw what happened. She had peed into her bed. She jumped out and her mind was running, how could she get into the bathroom and how could she hide her blanket and her sheet so her mum wouldn't see what she had done. She heard something from outside her room and she felt the panic climbing up her stomach, before she could think of any solution the door was torn open and her mum was standing in the door frame. She took one look over the whole mess and grabbed Olivia's arm. Olivia started to cry and to beg: "No mum, please don't. I'm sorry, please, not in the closet, please mum, please don't!

Her mother tugged her to her walk-in closet and opened the door. "NO, mummy please! I'm so sorry, please, not in the cupboard I don't do it again, I swear. Her mother pushed her in and said: "You're eight years old, when you can't stop peeing into your bed, then you're not sleeping in it." She slammed the door shut and locked it. Olivia heard from inside the closet that her mum was leaving her room. She sat on the floor. Before she went to bed today she made sure to go to the toilet, the last three nights she had peed into her bed. But since Bill was here the last time, it really hurts when she has to pee, it burns and often she has the strong feeling that she has to pee and nothing comes out.

Olivia woke up screaming, it was everything so clear now. Since the moment she heard Bill's voice everything came back, every memory was as clear as it happened a few days ago. After she told Elliot what happened he helped her to sneak out of the precinct, he brought her home and offered to stay. She was so tired that she fell asleep as soon as they arrived at her apartment.

The light was turned on and for a second she thought her mother is standing in the door frame, but she heard Elliot's voice.

"Liv, are you okay?"

Olivia could feel how the tears were streaming down her face. "My mum locked me into my closet?"

"What?", Elliot was confused.

"After bill started to rape me, I began to pee into my bed at night and as my mother saw it she locked me into my closet."

Elliot clung himself to the door and closed his eyes. "Liv, I'm so sorry."

"She didn't let me out before it was morning. There wasn't a light in it and I was so scared."

Elliot walked over to Olivia's bed, he sat carefully on the edge.

"Liv, what happened after he asked you if you want to touch his penis?"

"I don't wanna talk about it" "I know that it is hard, but you have to. The memories are back now and you can only get over it when you start to talk about it."

Olivia turned her head away to avoid Elliot's view. "Please Elliot, don't make me talk about it."

Elliot took Olivia's hand, she didn't flinch away so he hold it and started to stroke her. "Liv, look at me! Come on Liv, look at me!"

Olivia turned around and their eyes met.

"It's okay, tell me what happened."

Olivia started sobbing and suddenly she trough herself into Elliot's arms. First he was surprised and shocked but he closed his arms around her and hold her close to his chest.


	5. Chapter 5

**Note: STRONG WARNING!**

**I went into detail by describing how Olivia got abused. PLEASE; PLEASE feel warned and don't read, if you're sensitive about this topic. And PLEASE DON'T READ and complain after wards.**

**CAUSE IT IS YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY IF YOU'RE READING IT OR NOT!**

After Olivia calmed down a little bit Elliot loosened his hold around her and tried to look into her eyes.

"Liv, please talk to me. I wanna help you."

Olivia couldn't look into his eyes she wanted to talk to him but she just couldn't stand his view, but she didn't wanna lose body-contact either.

"Can you sit next to me?", she asked shyly.

Elliot turned around and sat next to Olivia, she took his arm and snuggled onto his chest. Elliot laid his arm around her and pulled her softly into an embrace.

Olivia sighed deeply and began to talk.

"He was smiling and asked me if I wanna touch his penis. I was scared, it felt wrong, I didn't know why. I thought my mum would be mad that he spent so much time with me. He took my hand and said: 'You don't have to be scared, everything will be fine, you'll see you'll gonna like it.'

He laid my hand onto his penis and told me to stroke it, like he stroked me before. I did it, he got aroused and I flinched back I thought I've hurt him cause he started to moan. He took my hand and laid it back onto his penis he said that everything is fine and that he is groaning cause he likes so much what I'm doing. He closed my hand around his penis and told me to stroke harder and then he told me to kiss it. I said no, but he told me that I don't have to be scared and that he shows me what to do. He made me lay back and pushed my legs open he started to kiss and to lick me. It was so weird Elliot, it didn't hurt or anything, it just felt wrong and I had a bad conscience. I felt moisture between my legs and I thought I had peed. I was scared that he would be mad that I had peed into his face. I told him that I'm sorry that I have peed. He started to laugh and said that I didn't, that it is so wet down there cause I like what he is doing."

Elliot swallowed hard and pulled Olivia closer into his chest.

"Then he told me to do the same with his penis now. I said that I don't want to, he turned around and laid onto me, he was right in front of my face and said: 'Olivia, you have to be a good girl and you have to do what I say, or I have to tell you're mum that you have stolen the 20dollars she was looking for.' My Mum was searching money a few days before, she didn't blame me, she knew I would never do something like that, but I knew when Bill would tell her I was it, she would kill me no matter if did it or not. I started to cry and told him that I didn't take the money and he said that he would not tell her, if I would do what he wants."

"He took the money so he had something on his hand to blackmail you!", Elliot sighed.

"Yeah!", Olivia swallowed hard.

"I started to kiss him, he told me to take it into my mouth and to play with it like it would be a lollipop. I did it, but I started to cry. He made me stop, first I thought he would hit me cause he was really mad, but then he pulled me into his arms and was rocking me back and forth and he stroke my hair. He talked to me and told me that everything would be fine and that I don't have to be scared. He started to stroke down my body and then he put his hand between my legs, he was still rocking me in his arms when he started to stroke me there. Suddenly there was a sharp pain between my legs. I screamed, but he hold his hand over my mouth, he told me that the pain would go away, that it would only hurt the first time. He had pushed one of his fingers into me."

Olivia felt that her hair was wet she turned around and saw Elliot in tears. They were working together since more then ten years and she never saw him crying.

"I'm sorry Liv." He wiped his tears away. "Please go on you have to talk about it."

"No Elliot, I don't have to tell you! I can go looking for a therapist you're not the one who have to listen to me."

"Liv, I couldn't protect you back then, all I can do is helping you now. Please, let me do this. I have to. I have to be there for you now. Please!"


	6. Chapter 6

„Are you sure, Elliot?" "Yes, I'm. I have to, Liv."

"Okay.", Olivia leaned her head against his chest again, she could hear his heartbeat, she listened for a few seconds to it, it helped her to clam her down.

"He continued pushing his finger into me. After a while it stopped hurting a little bit but I just wanted him to stop. I started begging him, I told him that I would kiss him again down there, if he would just stop touching me like this. But he didn't. I started to fight against him but he hold me closer to his chest and threatened again to tell my mum that I didn't behave myself when he was alone with me and that I was the one who took the money. He told me to touch his penis again, to stroke it like I did it before. He was still holding me like a baby in his arms with his finger in me. I felt his penis harden immediately. He then suddenly stopped, pulled his finger out and laid me onto the bed, he pushed my legs apart and entered me with his penis. I started to scream, it hurt so much. I screamed for my mum. I wasn't scared anymore that she would punish me. No matter how bad she ever hit me, it was never so painful than the pain was when he entered me. I wanted my mum to stop him. But she didn't come. He moved back and forth and was thrusting into me, he started shaking his groaning went louder and then he crumpled and laid onto me, he was so heavy I thought he would crush me.

After he was done he stood up an dressed himself. He told me to stand up and we went to the bathroom. He made me shower. I was bleeding, he took some toilet paper and pressed it between my legs. He said it would stop after a while and ordered me to sit onto the toilet. He went out and I just waited for him to come back. I heard that he turned the TV on, but I didn't no if I was allowed to go back to my room. I was so tired my eyes felt shut every few seconds and I just wanted to go into my bed and sleep. It must have been 30 or 40 minutes before he came back. He pulled me up and made me stand onto the toilet, he looked between my legs and said: 'See, it already stopped you're not bleeding anymore.'

We went back to my room, I was so scared that he would do it again. But he told me to put my nightdress back on. He lifted me into my bed and laid my blanket over me. He stroke my hair and said: 'Olivia you're such a beautiful girl and it was so great being with you today. I know that it did hurt what we were doing, but I swear it will be better soon. The next time we do it, it won't hurt as much as today, I promise.' I started to cry and begged him not to do it again. He laid his finger onto my mouth and said: "Sh, it's okay!"

I said I would tell my mum what happened. He started to laugh and said: 'Olivia, you know your mum wouldn't believe you. She would just be really mad at you for saying something like that and she would end up hitting you. Do you want that? Do you want her to hit you for telling a lie?'

I cried harder and told him that it wouldn't be a lie. But he just said that I should be really sure that my mum would believe me, cause he was sure that she would beat me up really bad for saying stuff like that. Deep inside I was sure that he was right, I couldn't be sure that my mum would believe me and I was scared what she would do if she would not believe me.

He went out and I fell asleep pretty fast. When I woke up the next day my mum was already up but she was in a really bad mood and screamed at me to stay out of her way when I walked into her. I went back to my room and I knew that I could never ever tell her, cause he was right, she would beat me up worse than ever before."

"Liv, I'm so sorry.", Elliot sighed deeply.

"I know Elliot. How could I ever forget all this. We're working sex crimes for years I heard stuff like this almost every day the last decade, how does it come that I never remembered?"

"I don't know Liv. Maybe you buried it so deep down that it was almost as it was erased from your brain. And William Perkins' voice was the trigger who brought the memories back."

Olivia sighed. "Can you stay with me until I fall asleep? I don't wanna be alone right now."

Elliot was shattered by the vulnerability in Olivia's voice. "Sure I do, I would never leave you alone like this. Just close your eyes and rest a little. I will be here when you wake up, I promise."

"No Elliot, you don't have to stay, you have to go home to your family, it would be nice if you would stay until I fall asleep, you can go then really."

"Liv, look at me.", Elliot took Olivia's chin and turned her head up until he could see into her eyes. "I'm not gonna leave you, do you understand me? Just close your eyes and rest."

Olivia was snuggling back onto his chest. "Thanks, El.", was everything she said before she fell asleep. Safely buried in Elliot's embrace.


	7. Chapter 7

Olivia opened her eyes she felt absolutely whacked, her head was banging and she couldn't remember when she felt so exhausted the last time. She turned around and saw that Elliot was gone. She wasn't surprised 'cause she told him to go, but she felt a little stitch into her heart. It was like it some times just is, you tell someone that it is okay to leave 'cause it's the right thing to do, but you're hopeful that the person insists on staying 'cause actually you don't wanna be left alone.

She turned around. "Café", she suddenly thought. She needed one, desperately. She even had the smell of it in her nose. She stood up and walked into the kitchen, when she opened her bedroom door she saw Elliot preparing breakfast.

"Hey, how are you doing?", he asked and it sounded awkwardly joyful, for Elliot's matters.

Suddenly she was stunned that he was still there, in her apartment, preparing breakfast. "Well, I had better days before.", she muffled.

He stopped in the middle of his movement. "I'm sorry, Liv."

Olivia sighed: "No, I'm sorry. It's just I don't know what to think or to feel and when I woke up you were gone and I wished you weren't and when I got used to the thought, I find you standing in my kitchen and I don't know...", she started tearing up again.

Elliot walked over and pulled her into his arms, they just stood there and Olivia closed her arms around him, she pressed herself against him. First she felt so comforted and she wanted to stay there for the rest of her life but then she started to recognize his body, his hard muscles and his smell, did he really smell that good the whole time she was working with him?

She felt Elliot pulling her closer to his chest.

Wait a second, what was that? Was he aroused? Was that his erection she felt?

"Elliot, we have to stop that.", she whispered and pushed herself out of his embrace.

"Oh, god Liv. I don't know how I could do this, again, I'm very sorry."

"It's okay Elliot. Thanks for being there for me last night but maybe it would be better you leave now."

"Liv wait, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done this. I'm...", he sounded desperate. "Olivia, I would never hurt you, you know that. I would never ever force you doing something you don't want to do. You know that, right?"

Olivia was confused and suddenly she got what Elliot was talking about. He thought she was scared because of his erection. She couldn't help herself she started to laugh. Now it was Elliot's turn to be confused he looked crestfallen.

"I'm sorry Elliot.", Olivia was still laughing hysterically. "I wasn't scared. I felt the same way as you did, that's why I told you to leave.", she stopped laughing and looked onto her tiptoes.

"I wanted to feel you closer as every hug could ever be and when I felt, that you also liked hugging me, I suddenly didn't trust myself anymore."

The next thing she remembered, was being pushed against the wall and feeling Elliot's mouth teasing her neck. "Are you sure you want this, after what you remembered the last days? I don't want you to have this memories in your head when I fuck you.", Elliot whispered into her ear.

"Elliot, we can't do this, you're married."

Elliot had the most satisfied and wolfish smile on his face she ever saw and that means a lot 'cause he is the king of wolfish smiles.

"No I'm not. Kathy and me separated three months ago. I'm living in my own apartment."

"What, why didn't you tell me?"

"Liv, do we really have to discuss this right now?"

Olivia sighed when Elliot put his attention back on teasing her neck. "No, I give you plenty of opportunities to apologize for that.", she stepped back and pulled Elliot with her into her bedroom.


	8. Chapter 8

After they laid down Elliot started to wander down Olivia's body. He opened her pajama and started to kiss her left breast. Olivia couldn't believe what just happened, she really is in bed with Elliot and he is kissing her and touching her. She closed her eyes and concentrated on Elliot's hands which were stroking her belly now and then she felt him pulling her pants down. He carefully spread her legs apart and started to kiss her between them.

"NO, please stop!", it came so suddenly over her lips that she couldn't stop herself. Elliot flinched back and stopped immediately.

"Liv, what's wrong? Did I hurt you?", he was alarmed.

Olivia started to panic. He was crushing her, she couldn't breath. "You're to heavy! Please get off, please get off."

Elliot was shocked and he wasn't sure what happened. "Liv, I'm sorry."

"Please, please get off." Olivia tried to push Elliot away.

"Liv, I..." "No! please get off, please, please. I don't want this, you're hurting me. Please, please get off."

Elliot jumped off. "Liv, what the hell happened? I thought you wanted this as much as I do."

Olivia sat up and tried to breath, her throat was closed and she thought she would suffocate.

Suddenly Elliot knew what happened, she had a flashback. She thought she was a child again and Bill would force her to have sex with him.

"I'm sorry El, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened, all the sudden I was so scared and I just wanted you to stop. I felt so overpowered. I don't know what's wrong.", Olivia was sobbing.

Elliot was standing at the front of the bed, he wanted to comfort her but he wasn't sure if she was ready to be touched again. "Liv, you had a flashback."

"What?", Olivia looked confused.

"Liv, you flashed back to the time when Bill abused you.", Elliot sat down at the edge of the bed and made sure to keep a big distance between them.

"No Elliot, I... Oh my god you're right. I had a flashback."

"Are you okay?", Elliot asked carefully.

Olivia closed her eyes for a moment. "Yes, I think I'm okay. I'm sorry Elliot."

"Don't be, it isn't you're fault."

"Oh my god how stupid is that. We're partners since more than a decade and we never touched each other in an inappropriate way and the moment we get close, I freak out and scream at you.", Olivia was shaking her head.

Elliot started to smile. "Well, you could have just told me that you wanna keep the just-partners-thing alive."

Olivia smiled wryly. "I think what I need the most right now is a friend not a lover. That sucks, doesn't it? You are free and I can't stand to be touched."

"It's okay. After all this years we're pretty good in being friends.", Elliot said.

"Elliot, can you just hold me in you're arms a while, like we did it yesterday?", Olivia asked shyly.

Elliot turned around laid on the bed and leaned his upper body against the bedhead, he opened his arms and Olivia snuggled onto his breast. He kissed her hair but in a just-friends way and said: "So, what are we gonna do today, do we stay in bed all day?"

Olivia started to laugh. "Elliot, sometimes I just wanna hit you!"


End file.
